Friday, December 31, 2010

Year End (Old Friend), Year Begin (New Friend)

Goodbye 2010, my old friend.  You were oh so good to me in so many ways.  For the 4th year in a row, you provided me with a way to get to NYC for my birthday and the money to spend while there.  And once again, I had such a rocking good time.  And I plan to repeat that again with my new friend who will be coming to escort me through next year.

Finally with the Old, I got my mind wrapped back around the desire to complete Half Marathons.  So 2010 brought me that opportunity in the way of the Outer Banks Marathon in N.C.  2010 offered me many others to participate in, but for whatever reason I only accepted one.  My new friend will also bring me many opportunities to participate, and now the fun begins with deciding which of these to accept.  And accept I shall.

My old friend brought me the realization that the pounds and the waistline wouldn't reduce themselves without my participation.  So my old friend brought me back to Isagenix and that program for eating healthier and cleaner.  Now my new friend will journey along side of me as I participate more with Isagenix and get healthier and handsomer!

My old friend kept my parents around.  I am especially lucky to have 3 parents who are still on this earthly plane.  For them 2010 posed some issues, but by year end, those issues have been conquered or at least harnessed.  I'm hoping that my new friend treats them with love and comforts them as they make their journeys.

And uniquely for me, my old friend showed me some new things work-wise.  And I observed, listened and understood what things worked for me with my old friend and taught me what to expect with my new friend.  And also, which ways to proceed and which hurdles to either jump effortlessly or to sidestep completely.

My old friend introduced me to a new way of getting outta my mind and into my zen: YOGA.  For this I will be eternally grateful and ever mindful of what works for me.  Peace is obtainable! 

Today, the last day of the year, I was blessed with a call from my buddy who is serving for me in Afghanistan.  We had a 36 minute conversation that warmed my heart and didn't make me tearful for a change.  :)  I have been blessed by Frank and continue to be so and look forward to many many wonderful and rewarding times together soon.

AND, I am ever so thankful for you coming along with me on my journey.  2010 was really grand and I fully expect 2011 to be even more grand!

Peace for your year end and Peace for you year begin!  May God (in its many forms) bless you and me.


Thursday, December 30, 2010

WINDS of Change

A couple of weeks ago the movie that mirrored our lives here in Los Angeles was “The Rains Came.”  After 6 straight days of rain, we finally got a respite.  And I joked that the sequel should be made entitled “The Rains Went Away.”  I actually like rain in small doses.  I wouldn’t like to live in cities where it rains a lot.  And then the original movie reran and the rains returned.  It began to rain Tuesday night and it rained nearly all day yesterday.  And it was a little cooler this time, so the rain was cold and damp.  My poor feet felt like they were freezing and my hands weren’t much better.

As often happens, after the rain leaves, the Winds arrive.  And last night and today the winds are a-howlin’ and pitching a gale.  In some places the wind was predicted to be as strong as 70 mph.   There is hardly a particulate that isn’t flying around with abandon.  Only those things that are firmly rooted (or nailed down or under a battened down hatch) seem to be steady.

Of course this gets my old mind to thinking.  Is this any different than our lives?  Those thoughts that are fleeting seem to fly around with abandon.  Only those thoughts that are firmly rooted stick.  I was blessed for several years to attend a church that was pastured (taught in their words) by Della Reese.  A big teaching with them was constantly working on our mind to erase “old tapes” that served no good purpose.  In regards to money and career, I put in a lot of work assessing and “correcting” the way I perceived these aspects of my life.

What I know now from this journey is that I must apply the same work to my mind in regards to how I perceive myself and how I perceive others.  I am doing the work and will continue to do the work to get to the place I need to be.

Today, I am looking at the fierce winds as blowing away those things that I don’t need, those fickle fleeting ideas and perceptions that aren’t firmly rooted.  I am further analyzing those things that are firmly rooted and looking at whether I must dig them up and discard them, or do I need to water and nourish them to help them grow stronger?   I am also looking at these winds as blowing out 2010 and clearing the way for 2011 to enter with clean air!


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

RANT and Unpleasantness

I AM Sensitive.  There I said it.  (Touchy might have been a better word, but for now, I'm claiming sensitive.)  Being a bigger sized person for most of my life has made me sensitive to how I view myself and how others view me.  And not only me, but how I view others and how I see them being viewed.

My mom hates fat people.  She loves her son, but she hates that I've been fat most of my life.  Unfortunately, she never sees that she "might" have had a hand in that, but that's for another blog.  And now that I've bashed my mom, I shall bash myself.  I don't like fat people too much either.  I like them as people, but I would never date one.  I wouldn't date the man I see in the mirror.  I know I have a BIG heart, but it's just above that BIG belly that I don't like (read hate), so heart or no heart, I wouldn't date me. 

Shallow, yes, I think I am.  I have often thought, why would He like me.  I don't like what I see.  Now human gratification can outweigh (no pun intended) my self loathing for a "quickie".  (If I need to spell it out, private me and I'll explain.)  But in a long haul, it's me I wake up with, shave with, shower with, etc and I don't like me in the long haul, so precious few get past the wall I erect.

Now that I've bashed my mom AND me, I'm ready to bash others.  I frequently watch the Biggest Loser.  I even watched some of the Celebrity Fitness shows, but those were so fake, a blind deaf person could have seen through those shows.  I do NOT like Ruby because of the really HUGE lies they have told on that show.  There is NO fucking way she did a mile in 15 minutes!  There I said it and I stand by it.  After run/walking over 250 miles in a little over a year, a 15 minute mile is still pushing it for ME.  And Ruby did not do one.

Next rant...  ha ha  As much as I like and respect the Biggest Loser, I want to see the Biggest Gainer on TV.  It is completely fair to make fun of fat people and their eating habits/disorders, but not skinny people?  Today I read the news of the French model who died at the age of 28 at a height of 5'4" and 70.5 pounds.  There wasn't a picture of her on Yahoo, so I googled her.  And the pictures were astounding.  Really those pictures were quite disturbing!  I then read a very long article and blog about Jeremy Gillitzer.  I will attach a link at the end of this blog. 

This story broke my heart.  It really made me sad to see a man who had eating issues his whole life and to end up dying at age 38 and weighing only 66 (SIXTY SIX) pounds.  Again, it was astounding.

I read about of these dying two from anorixia and I thought of how I feel the exact same way about someone who weights 400 pounds.  Each person with eating issues or disorders has an issue that affects every fiber of their being.  The only BIG difference is we put the fat person on a TV show, hire two kick ass trainers, put them through hell hoping that they will come out thinner and a winner.  I'm sure (or I pray) that behind the cameras there are people there to help them their emotions.  No adult gets to 400  pounds or 66 pounds without having an issue.

With a couple of my heavy friends, I have plotted a reality show on how to get skinny people to gain weight.  It's NOT nice; it puts me squarely on the Naughty list.  But how sad that others who want to put the fat people on a show are not considered Naughty, but considered Nice.

Size DOES matter.  It matters because for so many of us who are overweight or underweight, we are adversely affecting our bodies.  I return over and over again to the same thing : Mental Health.  I think that the more I get a grip on true mental health and how to use it, harness it, soothe it, I will be able to properly affect the way my body looks.

If you are disturbed my photos of anorexia or malnourishment, please do NOT click on the link below.  They are not pretty pictures.  I viewed the blog as a reminder to be GOOD to myself, to LOVE myself (ever how hard that may be) and to be truly KIND to others.  All of us have issues.  Those issues are simply person specific.

Peace and Love!

little WORDS

It seems that the small words pack quite a wallop.  NO, before or after pepper spray, packs a mean wallop.  ha ha.  Truly a word like NO when used correctly is so powerful.  AM is another powerful word.  It attaches things to me.  I AM _____________.  (Fill in as needed.)  IS/ARE are small words that attach to others.

Then there are the famous Trio of Limiting Verbs: Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.  These three monsters sing in complete dis-harmony to our lives.  They always attach us to the Past and are often used as a "fib".  (Wasn't that a nice way to say LIE?)  However, to be fair, it's not always a fib or lie, sometimes it's the truth.  But truth or not, the sentiment that is most often attached to one of the Trio is something wasn't quite kosher in the deli.  [ I "shoulda" gone to the gym today and I "woulda" felt much better, if only I "coulda" got there. ]  Intent is an emotion that is most often used to ease our feelings or those feelings of others.

This trio of intent keeps us out of NOW and allows us to be in Back Then.  Really, if I wanted to go to the gym this morning, I would have.  Another thing, I have been guilty of saying is "if I only had more time."  There are exactly 24 hours in a day.  If I spend 2 hours on the Internet (writing this blog or otherwise) I had plenty of time to get to the gym or to run or to walk or go to yoga or ...

A goal of mine for Twenty Eleven is to leave the Intent Trio to other birds.  I want to the be Rooster who Crows about accomplishments and not the birds who sings the blues about intent.  Of course, in typing this, I do realize that "wanting to be the Rooster" only happens if and when I make it happen.

Thankfully, my 2010 was quite good.  It "coulda" been better, but it was good.  I believe my Twenty Eleven will be even better and I "intend" to make it so.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Few Real Surprises

I've often said the most dangerous person to Lie To is one's own self.  And I believe that's it's true.  It's a sad situation when you encounter someone who is lying to themselves and believing it.

So with a whirlwind of constant stress in the last couple of months (most of which I allowed but didn't create) and not being as vigilant as I woulda/coulda/shoulda been, I am not really surprised at today's results.

In total, I have gained 2.75 inches and I have gained 4 pounds.

While I wish it had been the other way around, that I could boldly and proudly announce that I have lost those same amounts, I can not.

Now is the time to enjoy myself, to revel in my accomplishments, and to get to getting to where I want to be on my journey.  And to enjoy the scenery along the way.  Yesterday, I consumed about 1600 calories and today it should be that or less.  Last night I walked about 2 miles (just a little under) and today I will walk about the same distance or a little more.

Today I have 3 clients to work with, two across the street from each other downtown and one more, either in Mid-Wilshire or Santa Monica.  Which is my final destination will unfold as the day does.  Yesterday, I spent 4+ hours with one client who hasn't had phones in a week and yesterday their computer was down.  I was as calm as a cucumber (ever how calm that is) and refused to be excited that I wasn't able to finish their year end stuff.  It will get finished when the time is right!

So I'm off to Save My World and make a Difference.  I vow to pass a Kind Word to another Human in the hopes of brightening their day.  And I vow to pass a Kind Word to my Mind so as to brighten my day.  Won't you join me?


Monday, December 27, 2010


I had hoped, planned, intended, wished (you get the picture) to restart my Diet and Exercise program last week.  I have scheduled a Photo Shoot for January 18th and with my plan last week, I would have four weeks to accomplish as much as possible before the shoot.  Now with starting today, I have 3 weeks.

But a great thing about each day is we are giving the opportunity to Start Anew.  Or each evening, or noontime or whichever time we choose.  So TODAY is the New Start for me.  I am motivated and ready to challenge myself to new heights and dimensions.

Tomorrow, the 28th will be the first time in weeks that I will weigh and measure.  Since going to NC in November, I have allowed myself a very wide latitude in my schedule.  I have replaced lots of meals with a shake or a meal replacement bar, but I’ve also indulged in extra food and drinks and snacks and haven’t felt guilty doing so.  I have tried to monitor (from a distance) exactly what I’ve eaten, and I do know that some of those choices could have been better, but they were what they were.

Rick has been kind in telling me that I look as if I’m still reshaping my body in a positive way, but I know my knowledge of what I’ve eaten makes me leery.   But as stated above, it is what it is.  I shall NOT condemn myself, but rather know that I am still on my journey to where I desire to be body shape and mentally.

Speaking of my old friend Mental Health, about 10 or 12 days ago, I left a client and was chatting with my mom on the phone.  She asked me how my day was and I replied that it was really, really good.  At that moment, I realized that it HAD BEEN good and that I had missed that feeling.  In the last 2 or 3 months, I have allowed how others are perceiving their lives (read my clients) to permeate my life and stress me in ways that aren’t healthy.  How can I “Feel their Pain” and not be affected?  I resolved right there and then that “Their Pain” would remain THEIRS.  I wish all of them well, but what happens to them, happens to them.  And if by some chance that actually comes to affect me, then I must find a way to deal with it THEN.  If you worry about tomorrow, that is you.  I can’t worry for you.  So I vow to be Present in my Present and let you and everyone have their experience as it happens.


Sunday, December 26, 2010


Of ANY Holiday!!!

Years ago, I bought the first Chrysler Sebring.  At that time (in 1995) Sebrings only came in a hardtop.  I remember the first day I saw that car, I was in love.  For four days straight, I passed by the dealership and admired it.  On day 4, I bought it.  To date, this was the proudest car purchase I've ever made.  I have loved each car I've ever bought, but this one was special.

As does sometimes happen, Special Things need attention.  My beauty broke down one Saturday after a wonderfully exquisite Metaphysical Experience.  To say that the breakdown almost ruined my Meta Exp isn't far from the truth, but I let it go and realized that Chrysler could and would fix my baby.  (That special trauma is another post.  ha ha)

My sweet friend John loaned me his aging Blazer: Studly.  Now Studly was a wee bit long in the tooth and as fate would have it, it's fuel gage was broken.  (Mine gage is broken some days at this time in my life.  ha ha)  John said "Just remember that there is about 1/3 of a tank of fuel and soon you will need to refuel."  Forewarned and oblivious, I simply "Drove Ole Studly Down" to past the fumes and he rebelled.  There I was zipping down I-95 in my work suit and tie, and thinking, without a care in the world, when Studly decided to give me a care.  Sputtering and spitting Studly fainted and I coasted to the side of the freeway.  Now, this is where God appears.  Or at least in my new found instant love of praying.  I promised a testicle (one is squished already), my next trick (read piece of ass), all sorts of things.  And what do you know, when I turned the key, the engine came back to life.  I breathed a sigh of thanks (a pitiful little sigh compared to the fervent prayers) and headed up the next off-ramp.  Or so I thought.  Those prayers of thanksgiving were short-lived as Studly completely gave up the ghost.  Studly said "No Fuel, No Travel," and ground to a stop.

So there I was, one broken down Chrysler, and one empty Blazer.  And back then, I don't even think I had a cell phone to call for help.  Of course I got out and opened the hood of the Blazer.  Now exactly what I thought I'd see, or better still, what I'd DO if indeed I did see something was way beyond my thinking ability in that moment.  But I'm a MAN, we OPEN THE HOOD.  So open it I did.  And what do you think I saw....  An engine.  Yippee.  An engine. 

Now I am part Irish.  We have pride.  (Read stubborn ignorance, but Pride sounds so much nicer.)  So there I stood, looking at the engine.  Occasionally, I'd try to start the engine, but Studly wasn't having any of that.  So after several trips from the ignition to the exposed engine, I kept thinking why doesn't someone stop and ask me if I need help.  I mean here I am in a suit and tie and OBVIOUSLY in need of rescuing, but that Irish pride kept my arms at my sides.  I would never flagged down a driver for help.  Heaven forbid.

So there I was at the exit of I-95 that is littered with BMW's and Benz' etc as this is the exit for Aventura.  But Studly and I were invisible to the well to do.  (Now I wonder if I would have stopped if the Chrysler hadn't been broken down.  That's what I wonder now...)

After what seemed like at least 40 days and 40 nights an older land yacht of a Cadillac stopped.  Inside was a black man with no less than a month of newspapers and equally as much mail, and bags from drive throughs and grocery stores, and STUFF, all filling up the car.  He asked me what the problem was.  Ashamedly, I told him I was quite sure I was out of gas.  He then asked if I needed help.  I looked at him and his car and thought a lot of things, few of which were positive, but fool that I ain't, I knew I needed gas and even though I can be a Tiny Teapot with a handle and spout, I can't produce gas.  So I said "Yes Sir."

He pulled the Land Yacht ahead of me, got out and approached the truck and checked under the hood (he did see a few things that HE recognized.  ha ha)  I tried the ignition for him and he agreed, no gas, and no need to flood the engine trying.  He offered to take me to get some gas.

He closed the hood, and I locked up Studly.  After much rearranging of articles in the car, he offered me a ride.  We introduced ourselves and set off on our journey.  Of course, this is the place where it should be simple.  But NOT in my life.  I crave adventure and God, Nature, Fate seems to oblige.  At this time in my life, I banked with a credit union, which had a branch two exits ahead and 2 miles off the exit.  I sheepishly told him about the banking situation and he said "Don't Worry."  So two exits and two miles later, we arrive at the ATM.  During our ride there, he told me of his wife throwing him out for excessive drinking and how they would get into awful rows.  And he also told me of how ALL of it was his fault and while he knew it took two to have a row, he shouldered all of the blame as he had taken advantage of her kindness for far too long.  The man quietly wept as he relayed the story.  Tender as it is now, at that moment, I was leery of the man.  Here he was helping me, but he was living in this Land Yacht and not painting a very pretty picture of himself.  And while he was remorseful and tearful, his emotions were very raw and fresh and wavering.  He was repentant in one minute and defiant in the next and  I really didn't think he was about to make any drastic changes anytime soon.

Bless him, he drove me to the ATM and I took out $40.  Not a lot, but I didn't have a lot.  Chrysler had already told me an estimate that had me very worried.  So all those $40 were coming at a price.  We then drove to a gas station, where he extracted an old anti-freeze bottle from the trunk and told me we would use this as a gas can.  I was unsure, but he told me he knew what to do.  So he filled it with gas, I paid the attendant and off we went to find Studly. 

Now Studly was two exits back, but that's on the Freeway.  So you have to go three exits and make a round-about and reenter the freeway and THEN the next exit is Studly.  All the while he drove without ever a minute of hesitation.  By the time we arrived back at Studly, the sun was sinking low in the sky.  He told me to pop the hood.  I did so.  He opened something under the hood, pour a few drops in, closed whatever it was, then poured almost all of the remainder of gas into the gas tank.  He told me to wait a minute or two and then try it.  Studly coughed and gasped but didn't crank.  He returned to the hood, opened said things, poured a few more drops in and then I was to try again.  This time Studly roared to life.  He closed the hood, and prepared to leave.  I offered him $20 and after a moment's hesitation, he accepted.  He told me that it wasn't necessary, but was very thankful as he really could use the money.  (Truthfully, even at this point I was still a little unsure of him.  He was a big brute and had confessed to being an ogre to his wife and friends.)  He took the $20, threw the anti-freeze bottle in the trunk of the Land Yacht and bid me farewell.

He pulled onto the exit ramp, exited the freeway and disappeared.  I sat there a minute or two and then proceeded to the next gas station to give Studly a little more fuel with that remaining bucks I had on me.

As I reentered the freeway and made my way home, I was overcome with waves of emotions.  I hadn't been smart enough to remember the fuel, I had been to proud to flag down help, I had been fearful of the unknown....

Once I was able to stop flogging myself and settled into a quite conversation with God, I was able to realize that with all of the things that had happened in the last few days, I had experienced so many facets of God.  I had a wonderful and awesome Metaphysical Experience.  I had allowed my friend to loan me his Studly.  (This is quite important.  For a person who is independent (ME), allowing a friend to help isn't my strongest characteristic.  I NEED to be the knight in shining armor.)  After breaking down on the exit ramp to one of the richest and most elegant of areas, it was a homeless black man who was, in his own words, a "bad drunk" who came along to help me.  And help me he did.  And at the end, I was able to help him by giving him $20 whole bucks.  Then my tears came.  In that whole cycle, God was present.  Taken singularly, each item was important.  But taken as a whole, the reminder that A TRUE SPIRIT was always present was so clear to me.

Often I have told friends and family about how an angel appeared when I needed him.  An angel not unlike Clarence in "A Wonderful Life."  An angel who uniquely taught me lessons that I might not have recognized any other way than just the way they happened.  And one wonderful thing I've noticed about this great experience called Life, the Angel is so rarely ever the ones I envision, but that "Not Likely" Angel who simply appears out of nowhere, for no apparent reason and without an ulterior motive, who is the Real Angel that is sent by the ever-present God.

God Bless this Angel who stopped to help and bless me to be that Angel to some other stranger every time I can.

This is MY Christmas Story and I'm clinging the Wondrousness that it IS!!!

Peace exists when we let it!  G/B

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

New Adventures

So today is the first day of my newest adventure.  I'm looking forward to it.  I started with a great night of sleep and then I started my day with coffee and a shake.

Blake from Illuminations (where I got my new lighting system) came and corrected a spot light that wasn't working correctly and so now the art in my dining room is properly lit and the rest of the lights look magnificent.

As for my new journey, I've started but I'm not quite ready to share its details yet.  Details to be forthcoming.

I have only one client today and several errands to accomplish and then tonight I have a 'cheap' Santa Christmas gift swap at a wonderful little hole in the wall restaurant near Lake Balboa.  It will be fun and silly and filled with lots of people in a festive Holiday Spirit (or two).  I'm looking forward to it.

Part of my journey this year is that I will be in LA for Christmas instead of NC.  In the 12+ years I lived in Miami, I only missed on Christmas in NC and now I am repeating that here in LA.  It feels might strange, but I'm sure I will make it.  My heart will be with my family, but my body won't be.  It would be nice if I was missing it for some reason other than money and work, but I guess those two reasons are reason enough.

Be well and chat soon!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Parsley, SAGE, Rosemary and Thyme (Time)


I am lucky (at least I think so) that Sage advice comes to me, whether through my own thoughts and prayers or through others.  And those others aren't necessarily always friends and family (even though some days it is from family and friends), sometimes the others are complete strangers.  And sometimes I have to look back at my own musings and writings and really believe what I've written and heed my own advice.

I have extolled repeatedly that the only MIND I have to work with is MY mind.  But I conveniently set that idea aside when it suits me.  Case in point, I have expectations of friends and family that aren't always what they "signed up" for.  And the only person to get rained upon is me when I have expectations of others.  A friend of mine recently blatantly lied to me over something that was quite important to me.  Of course had it not been for his partner (who is usually very quiet) I would have never known about the lie.  And boy or girl was I hurt, pissed, upset, angry....  And at the end of the day, it seemed as if I was the only one rained on.  I have (had) thought of many ways to retort, to answer, to ignore, to pretend...  but at the end of the day, I'm disappointed.  I was expecting that my friend was as eager to be my friend as I am to be his.  When in all truthfulness, I don't think it's that important to him.  And maybe I'm not the only one that isn't important to him, but there again, it's my mind that I have to deal with.   So I take his actions as exactly what they were: A Lie.  And I move forward.  I will evaluate and execute (figuratively so far) as I need for myself.


I have a new project for myself that I will begin tomorrow (12/21).  I will reveal it as the days pass.  It is a Four Week project and I simply expect all good results.  This project is about me, for me, by me and since it's all about me (ha ha  at least on this blog) I will let the project unfold and detail it as it happens.

As for the Parsley and Rosemary, I only have Rosemary to talk about.   I love Rosemary Clooney and her voice.  I'm very glad it was heavily recorded so I can enjoy it for a long time to come.  And truthfully, I do know why Parsley is on most plates.  It helps with bad breath, poor digestion and lots of other things.  Google Parsley.  You might be surprised.

XOXO  Danny

Friday, December 17, 2010


My step-mom's surgery was deemed a success!  All of the cancerous material was removed and the doctors feel she will not even need chemo or radiation as a follow up.  So for that I offer a prayer of thanksgiving!


A few weeks ago I promised a Blog on Racism.  I chatted with a friend of mine, Cyndee, and gave her a preview.  I told her my story with passion and fervor.  I wanted to be really forthwith and honest and use all of the language that had so distressed me on my trip to NC in November.  She patiently listened and at the end gave me sage advice.  While words can be used to drive a point home, to shock, to comfort and to enlighten, those same words can now be google’d, yahoo’d and easily searched for on the internet.  And then she asked me if I wanted my blog to be potentially used and / or exploited by a less enlightened person.  That Cyndee is one smart cookie (or celery stick for us dieters).

I grew up in a household and family where the N word was used daily.  It was simply a mater of fact.  They were N’s and they had a town, referred to by both whites and blacks as N-Town.  Not a nice referral, but one that I heard repeatedly.  (Digression #1:  Our black section was on the North side of town.  However, I have found that in many cities in the south, the black section is on the south side.  This is just an observation and one that won’t win you a prize.  Ha Ha)

When I was growing up in the 60’s and 70’s blacks were often given an extra word to go along with the N; and, that word was Damned.  Wow, as if one curse wasn’t enough, let’s add another.

I will be totally honest.  Until the early 90’s I was a frequent user of the word too.  Most of the time, I used it for shock value.  I’m not proud of my use of that word.  I rarely used the word to refer to anyone specific.  But even one time is too many.  I do understand why rappers use the word, for the same reason gay people use fag and queer to call out each other.  We endeavor to take the power out of the word.  It’s may not be the healthiest, but it is a way of trying to positively deal with a negative word.

Those were the “old days”.  Now we are onto a new frontier.  In the 80’s, NC farmers began to import workers from all over Mexico and Central America like ordering slaves from a warehouse.  They were cheap labor who would work for pennies on the dollar and who could be exploited without a fear of shame or retribution to the farmer.  At first, the workers came for the seasons.  And then the seasons became longer.  And now, their seasons never end.  And boy, are the people in NC angry?  You bet they are!  Not only are they being outnumbered by births, lots and lots of illegals have heard of the great Old North State and want to come and join their families.  “Pennies on the Dollar” trumps “No Dollars” everyday of the week.  (Digression #2:  Lynn’s father imported 100s of workers in the mid-80s.  He renamed all of them because he couldn’t pronounce their names.  And, it was just like Roots.  They were so proud to be able to rename their slaves, I mean workers.)

And to help make matters muddier, lots of these illegals are getting jobs from “legit” companies who pay them under the table.  And these companies use this tool to get their customers to pay them in cash.  So doubly the state and federal governments are getting no taxes and the illegals are getting work.  And almost everyone is willing to participate.  My relative bragged about the cheap roof he got from a fellow church member’s company who used a lot of illegals to put the roof on a fraction of the other quotes he got.  Of course, Relative had to withdraw a lot of money from the bank in cash to pay this churchman who was raping the government.  But, Heavens to Betsy, it WAS cheaper.

The disdain that was once heaped on the blacks is now being heaped on both legal and illegal immigrants.  And instead of the Damned N’s we are now older and less gentle, it’s now the Fucking M’s.  And it doesn’t matter if you’re from Colombia, El Salvador, Panama or Mexico, you are a Fucking “M” now!  (Incase you are not sure M equals Mexico or Mexicans.)

Wow.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  So my time in NC is still surrounded by racism.  How exciting?  NO, it’s not!

Now, racism is NOT only for the whites.  I see it from many sides.  And I speak or understand just enough Spanish to understand the Fucking M’s don’t like Massa either. 

Thankfully, not all of God’s creations go awry, but some do.  And, some fight back.


(And people and situations)

Two years ago I bought an ornament that was cracked.  I didn’t realize it until I got it home.  So here were my emotions:  “Oh poor thing, it’s so cute and I simply cannot throw it away.  And it was too inexpensive of an ornament to take it back, wait in line and hope that they had a whole one.  I will just glue it and make it all better.”

Two years later, the ornament is still in rotation on the tree and it’s still cracked.  It could use a little fixing, but it is operating simply fine without a ‘fix.”

Now, if I could only get the rest of my life to operate on the EXACT same level.  I see a situation that (I perceive) needs a little fixing and I simply want to wade in and get to fixing.  And since I only have my mind to work with, I don’t know if others see things and want to fix them or not.  Perhaps they see a situation that they perceive needs fixing, and they don’t concern themselves with it.  Maybe I am the only one, or only one of a few, who simply feels compelled to fix.

The effects of the holidays affect each of us differently.  And when I see that broken ornament that needs a little glue, I want to supply that glue.  My goal for this year is to only lend or offer glue when it’s asked for.  To allow all of the ornaments to move at the pace that it’s moving, to glitter at the brightness it’s glittering and to simply be what it is. 

The only Ornament I want to adjust is me, and only if I really need an adjustment.  Otherwise, I will move at my pace, glitter at my brightness and simply be.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Health and Happiness (Health Care)

When I was in NC during November I was assailed with Health issues.  Thankfully, these issues weren't mine but they directly affected me.

Frank Health Issues Ahead...

Just before I got to NC, my dad was hospitalized with Pneumonia.  He had so looked forward to coming to see me finish the Outer Banks Half Marathon and was so disappointed that his health kept him from fulfilling that dream.  I had not finished the Raleigh Marathon in 2009, so this was our "make-up" performance.  It really can be Hell getting older and not being able to do the things that you want to do.

Now, I will tell you that my frustration with Dad is quite deep.  Certainly not the fact that he had pneumonia, or the fact that he had a stroke nearly 8 years ago, or the fact that he still smokes like a chimney; no, the frustration comes from the "I Can't Attitude".  When he does his exercises or takes therapy he is able, but he'd rather feel sorry for himself and be lazy.  So he can say "See I Can't."  Conversely, I try to use that as fuel for myself to say "Yes I Can".  Or "Yes I Will". 

In the summer my step-mom began to bleed (spot).  But it wouldn't stop.  Tons of doctors' visits and a DNC finally stopped the bleeding.  And we are talking months.  And with the DNC, it was discovered that she has Uterine cancer.  Another thing that she has been plagued with is the "we will call you" mentality of health "care" officials.  How can a doctor or nurse say we will call you in a day or two and then let it wait a week until my step-mom calls very upset?  In this world  of high technology, we can't even have the human decency to call a patient back.  SAD!  Very SAD!  This Friday (tomorrow) she will have a complete hysterectomy and hopefully that will remove all of the cancer.  But from the recent past history of her doctors' visits, it might be a few weeks before someone remembers to call back.  (Not recommended.  I have a phone too and a kick ass attitude!)

And this past Saturday a friend of mine for the last 25 years tried to kill himself.  He didn't succeed.  And I'm thankful of that.  The line from "The First Wives Club" that Bette spouts "So how drunk do you think Cynthia was to throw herself off the roof" kept coming to mind.  (Bad paraphrase of the scene, but I don't have it handy to watch.)

With the three above situations, each (Daddy, Jane and Eddie) have been weighted down my their own issues: Stroke, Pneumonia, Cancer, Depression.  Whatever the issue/situation, these can be life altering, life changing and even life ending.  Separately, I'd have had a hard time dealing with them.  Collectively, I've been very heavy hearted this season.  But I ain't throwing in the towel yet.  I will triumph.  And if I get my wish, my parents and friend will too.  But whatever the outcome, I will keep them safely protected in my heart.

Loving me and others!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happy Fun-DAY SU-day

Oh my heavens!  What one night of a GREAT sleep can do for one's spirit.  Today I am HAPPY.  HAPPY!  ELFING HAPPY!!!!

That commercial that asks "Who does depression hurt?  Everyone."  It's so true.  I have allowed my soul to get tangled in much more than the Christmas Lights and Tinsel.  Few people are unaware that "times" are tough.  But of late, I've allowed myself to "feel" others pain, shame and regret and I've even indulged in my own.  I haven't been my usual "Rise Above The Frey".  In late Nov, I promised blogs on health and racism but today's not that day.  But others' health issues and old "Friends" spewing racism marred my trip home to NC.  And since I've been back I haven't been able to shake that.  And then to return to clients who need constant hand holding in regards to THEIR challenges, has kept me down.

And truthfully, this is the 29 year as an adult who is single for the Holidays.  And that ain't easy either.  Most of the time being single is who I am (I claim it, after all this time haha).  But that Singleness is never so apparent than at Christmas as I decorate my home. 

LOL>>>  I laugh because I know I'm one truly controlling HO who would probably be divorced the first time a Hubby "tried" to help ME decorate.  I'd be like NOT THERE, over THERE.  haha  With little let up.

So the GREAT night's sleep brought me back to the realization of my divine self.  (I am still NOT happy that Frank's in Afghanistan, but I am dealing with it!)  But   I     AM    LOVE  !!!!  And I'm loved.  And I do love.  And what could be more beautiful for the Holidays?  Nothing in my Opinion.

So with that said, I extend LOVE to you and  to yours and pray for more and more Love for a world that so desparately wants it.  Reach out and get you some.  I have extra if you need it!


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Hello Old Friend (Blog Spot)

Oh my I have so much to say.  My heart is filled with so many varied thoughts and emotions.  I haven't done a blog in far too long. 

But today I am giving THANKS for my friend Frank who is in Afghanistan this Christmas.  I wish I could say that he was there on vacation discovering the "ancient" world, but that is not how it works this Christmas.

For the past three years, Frank has been a constant friend in my daily world.  We might not be around each other daily, but certainly not one week in the last three years has past that we haven't been in touch.  And now I find myself so far away from my friend.  And I'm not a bitch to share!  Hello, I am an only child and according to most of the ignorant bunch, we are always selfish and self-centered.  And in this moment I will be EVERYTHING bad that's been said about only children.  I want my Frank HOME.  Fuck the perceived war and fuck Geo Bush Jr O-bam-a-lama.  So much for the promises of bringing "them home".  It might have gotten you elected, but my HOPE isn't in Afghanistan, it's in the US and I can tell you that in my "never" humble opinion, we need every resource we have home to build our own country.  But perhaps that's too simplistic to get a HO elected.  So there you have it, I ain't gonna be president anytime soon.

And if you wonder where all of this comes from, I'm stamping my feet that Frank isn't here to help ME decorate for Christmas.  I can assure you that those Icicles  shit wasn't invented by a Piscean.  The symmetry is all wrong.  And even tho Frank is an artist, he wasn't so good at it either.  But having my friend here to help was worth fighting for.  So you can bet I will be at the election booth trying to get my friend HOME where he belongs.

Now, after all that ranting and raving, I feel better, sorta...  I do love Christmas and what it stands for.  At least the peace that was brought to this weary world so many years ago.  And it's PEACE that I want for this Holiday Season.  Peace for my soul, peace for my life, peace for my friends and yes even peace for those I don't care for.  Let Peace reign, for it is in Peace that freedom is won.  Amen and So It Is!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Back in LA

Oh boy was it so heavenly to sleep in my own bed for the past two nights.  As I've mentioned before, my bed is my sanctuary.  It's where I repair.

I have several blogs to post as soon as I'm finished editing them.  But be assured, I have missed my blogging.  I would never have thought that it would be so rewarding but it is.

Future topics:
Friend Carb-One (Frank)
Health and Hospitals
Racism at it's Purest
Marathon # 9 (Sung to Love Potion # 9, NOT)

Be well and back soon!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Wisdom of Grandmothers

The Words Of A Drunk Man
Are The Thoughts Of A Sober Man

Thursday, November 11, 2010


OK, so I'm a day late and this week a dollar short.  But alas, sing it Gloria:  "I Will Survive!!!"

Seasons have taught me so much in life.  The seemingly obvious things of New Birth in Spring, Flourishing Life in Summer, Changes in Autumn and Death or Hibernation in Winter.  So many different analogies can be attributed to the seasons, Seasons Come And Seasons Go, and the World turns, alot and then we've aged.  Ok fine, I do age.  Just, subtlely. 

In so many ways Winter has become a favorite season of mine.  It was Autumn in all of it's Splendor and colorful majesty, but in the last few years Winter is making a charge to be at the forefront of my favorites.  On a rare occassion, it's the lonely solitude of Winter that so appeals to me.  Mostly, however, it's the peaceful tranquility of stillness and near nothingness that excites me.  But that stillness and 'seeming' nothingness, will soon regenerate and 'spring' forth with new growth and rebirth.

But then the subject is Pruning.  Gardeners (Gardners if you're part of Mama's family) and Landscapers and Horticulturalists use the Winter time to Prune away those branches and stems and twigs that are dead or blocking progress in anticipation of what is to come.  I am not a person who makes alot of New Year's Resolutions, I am the person who uses that Winter time to prune away the dead or dying things or to move the roadblocks to my success and happiness.

While Winter time comes from Dec to March in the northern hemisphere, it can come anytime I need to prune.  I have several goals in this pruning process.  One and the most obvious is to rid myself of the things that block my anticipated new growth.  I want the dead leaves and branches to be cleaned away so the new growth will have room to take root and to sprout.  My other goal is gracefulness.  My object is not to tear away the dead, not to angrily chop or lob off the offensive, but to wait in quiet consolation and to contemplate what needs to be Pruned.  And then to remove it, bless it for its part in past usefulness and to be content with my choices.

All week I have thought of the title of a book "The Path Of Least Resistance."  I googled it and found it's written by Robert Fritz.  While I've never read the book, it's title has been stuck in my consciousness all week.  I will wager that I've read it by Christmas.  Obviously if I think of it repeatedly, it has something to say to me. 

But make no doubt about it, it is Pruning Time for Dannyboy and it will get done.  Winter is Today and each day I need to effect a Positive Change for myself.

Now where are those darned shears???

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


So today on Facebook I posted:

"Is there an online application for the Circus.  I'm seriously thinking of joining it.  At least I would work with REAL Clowns!"

At times in my life I've tried to wing it on my own.  I know that inside of me is that "Little Voice" of pure wisdom (God) that never leads me astray.  I listen intently and consult it often.  Back in the summer I got an opportunity to work on a new project.  The leader of that project was someone who had been 'spotty' at best in my past dealings with them.  But I decided to meet up and see where they were today.  I sought and implored my little voice often trying to determine if I should say Yes or say No.  Truthfully, the answer I heard was mixed.  The answer was a Yes with provisions.  And those provisions would mean I would have to keep vigilant and perhaps make difficult decisions in the future.  So I accepted the project with knowledge.  And now that I clearly see that "the circus tent was strung with every star in the sky...  Now the young world has turned old.  Gone are the tensile and gold!"  (God bless Lorenz Hart!  What grace and beauty encompassed his lyrics!)  So this Little BOY Blue will sit here and count my fingers, what else can I do?  (I'm counting fingers 'cause the freaking check bounced.  haha.  boo hoo)

So with the same Grace and Beauty that flowed so eloquently from the Master Lorenz Hart, I will pull the plug on THIS Circus and seek a new one.

I do believe in simplicity.  And lately I've felt I've been pulled, pushed and squeezed into too many situations that have spread me too thin.   So now my new task will be to pull back and trim.

Funny as I am about to hit the Publish button, the CLOWN appears on my phone.  But it doesn't change what I must do for myself.

My next post will be about pruning!  And I don't mean eating prunes either.  ;)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Morton Salt

The saying on the box of Morton's Salt says it all:  "When It Rains, It Pours."

Thankfully, the rain can be rains of blessings.  Not always, but I have hope for more days of blessings than not.

There seems to be a potential that a close relative might be developing a form of dementia.  While I'm not sure, it does seem that way to me and to a couple of others.  Time will tell, but one thing is for sure, I don't believe in sweeping something this important under the rug, or looking the other way to avoid potential pain.  Neither of those options will have a positive outcome.

This morning, I learned two things and neither of them made me happy.  My step-mom called to say my dad is in the  hospital with Pneumonia.  And this, two days before my step-mom is to have a much awaited surgery.  Not happy times.  Of course I want both of them well and healthy and happy, but it seems that one will have to wait for the other.  Unfortunately, the one waiting will suffer the longest.

The other news was that a check from client was returned.  And it wasn't a small check.  This could have the potential to make Dan an unhappy camper.  Especially since I held the check for 5 weeks to await funding. 

Like the salt from the box, today it's pouring.  And true to the salt analogy, it feels like "Salt In A Wound."

Now comes my part!  For as long as I've been blogging, I been extolling the virtues of being Kind to myself, to making Positive Decisions AND to Expect the BEST.  Truthfully, I can not change any of the above things.  "Stuff DOES Happen."  But how I DEAL with that Stuff will define ME.

Today, I look good (blue shirt to minimize the blood shot eyes (j/k)), Feel Good and I'm Optimistic (Cock-eyed and otherwise).  Just like my upcoming Half Marathon this coming Sunday, I expect to finish and finsh strong.  Today, I choose to be strong.  To handle what I can handle (with a blessing) and most assurely put a tremendous blessing on those things that I can NOT handle.  I've heard the phrase"Let Go and Let God."  Okay, I will and I do!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

So Why Are You Fat?

Isn't it funny how we adults seem to unlearn.  As babies, we cry when we're hungry or wet or feeling bad.  We don't cry when we look at the clock and see Mickey standing as if he's in a drug raid with both hands in the air and then scream I must eat now.  As babies we cried when we were wet; we didn't fabricate wet to get attention.  As babies we also didn't create continual drama so we could feel bad.  Notice babies seem to giggle, coo, throw their hands and feet into the air and they look at everything, new or old, with wonder and amazement.  When does this stop?  And why is it we seem to unlearn the simple things.

The other day, I was hanging with my favorite four year old who was jumping around like a mexican jumping bean in a box.  So in my childlike way, I decided I could too.  And I did.  So there we were a 4 year old and a nearing middle age man jumping around like 'dos primos locos" and having a ball.  When I, the nearing middle aged one, decided that I'd had enough, I said "whew that's enough for me, I'm fat."  To which my buddy said "So Why Are You Fat?"  And after I pinched off his elfing little head.... ha ha

Truly, the cool thing was there was NO Malice, NO Guilt, NO Judgment on his part.  Just one buddy wanting the other buddy to keep jumping.  And make no mistake about it, the Fat comment was simply a reflection of the "lame" excuse I had used.  And he instantly knew it was lame.  Kids, children, babies KNOW stuff.  Stuff that 'grown-ups" with knowledge and wisdom are supposed to know.  We only THINK it's hard to teach a nearing middle aged dog new tricks.  If we listened to our youth more often, we'd probably learn so much more.

So I pledge to look at stuff with amazement and wonder.  And to be completely loco and jump around if I want to.  And listen.  Really listen to Youth.  Maybe I will learn some more things that I might have forgotten.   Jump, jump!!!  (Saltar!)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Short Blog #2

Don't get your hopes up, I'm rarely short-winded, except in Down Dog.  ha ha

So after chatting with Frank the other day, I knew I should start a calorie counter on my daily meals.  Well, I had to clean my leg!  (Read what you may into it.)  Thank heavens when I fainted, I didn't hit my head on the table edge.

So TRUTH....  It really is the little things that can torpedo a diet.  To my shake this morning, I added one TEAspoon of peanut butter and 4 raspberries.  All in all, I consumed 324 calories.  I was soooo happy.  And as I was moving from one room to another I remembered I forgot to add the coffee and cream.  I'm out of 1/2 and 1/2 so I used Heavy Whipping Cream.  I do bake sometimes too.  And this HWC from Straus Family Creamery is so fab!  But HOLY Mother of Hannah Montana, those 3 cups of coffee and HWC added a whopping 312 EXTRA calories.  So I left Happy Land of 324 and arrived at Tortureville of 636.    Oh sweet Heavens!

Anyone want 3/4 of a pint of Organic Whipping Cream???  I will be out for the next 17 hours trying to walk it off.  (3 Tanqueray and Tonics wouldn't have been any worse.)  BTW, the HWC comes in a really cute glass bottle!

Pesky Little Thing Called "TRUTH"

to the tune of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"

"The TRUTH shall set you free!"  Does it?  I think so.
"And Nothing but the TRUTH so help me God."  Wow.  Really??
TRUTH or Consequences.  Just a game show or a reality?

The TRUTH is one aspect of life that seemingly should be a constant.  Truthfully, I don't think does for everyone.  "It's always better to tell the TRUTH."  Yes it is!!

In Others and ME


Most of us work, and most of us out of necessity.  Bills like to be paid, dinner likes to arrive on the table, and new outfits surely NEED to be bought!  haha  So at work (as in all of life), we deal with TRUTH in it many varied forms.  If you 'compromise' your principles, bend the 'truth' or agree to go shady, it becomes expected.  I wonder how many times in my professional life I've 'looked the other way?'

There aren't going to be any Day of Judgement Confessions here, just some musings.  Yesterday, I was asked to LIE.  Of course, it was disguised nicely.  I was simply to shade the edges of the truth with little bits of color to add zest and sparkle.  But this time, I instantly saw that the simple request of shading would have long term expectations and consequences.  And NONE of those expectations or consequences would be for my Higher Good.  NONE of them.  What I was being asked to do was to choose a side, and accept their newly created version of the truth.  What had been conjured up in their mind ended up being a Witches' Brew of Deceit.  And I wasn't sacrificing my Third Eye of TRUTH for them or anyone else.  The two plus hours of arguing and wrangling about my saying NO was epic.

Funny (in a very sad way) how telling the TRUTH and refusing to BEND has become something that must be defended.  I was grilled, questioned, harangued and made to feel disloyal all because I refused  to EMBELLISH the Truth.  Jeepers, that's really screwed up!  But in the end, "tired and wet, cold you bet", I held my ground and chose the TRUTH.  It will raise it's ugly head again and sooner rather than later, I expect.  Oh don't delude yourself, it ain't over.  It's just beginning.  But I'm proud that by keeping true, I won't have any regrets in this situation.

When my parents were divorcing, both Mama and Daddy had emotions.  Understandable.  And their emotions were different.  Understandable yet again.  But those emotions pulled me in different directions.  Not fun.  A wonderfully fabulous waitress (some of my best advice has come from waitresses) told me:

"Honey, there's your Mama's Truth and there's your Daddy's Truth.  And they ain't always the same."

Oh how truth-filled that statement is.  So I look at the above situation and I realize that the only TRUTH that matters in my life is keeping my own TRUTH and steadfastly sticking to it.


When I started on my journey of transforming my life, I wanted to do some mirror work.  I may have mentioned it before, and if you really know me, I am quite vain.  Even at 100 + pounds of over-weight-ness, I was still vain.

But I decided with this journey, I wanted to SEE my TRUTH.  Not just in the small mirrors on the wall which showed my pretty face.  (And it is pretty damn it!!!)  But I also wanted to  see my waistline (or where one ought to be) and hips and back and legs and chest, and yes that "angelic" face.  (Don't make me get ruff with you!)  So just before I started my diet, I shaved off my facial hair.  I wanted to see the truth of the chins without any camouflage.  I wanted to see exactly what I looked like.  (However, I am so NOT interested in seeing the gray hair.  I still have an imagination.  I can imagine what that looks like.)

So I try each day to see the Real TRUTH of who and what I am.  And I thank you for taking this journey with me.  XO Peace and Truth!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Foul Mouthed Twisted Little Post Ahead

When I was in college, Tom (meat manager at the grocery store I worked at) had a big ole belly on him.  One day another co-worker was making fun of his gut.

Tom said, "It's a poor man how doesn't build a shelter over his tools?"  Well with that in mind, at 287.5 pounds three years ago, I had built a fucking condo tower over my tools.  And without a mirror, I had not way of seeing if my tools were still there or not.  They were surely buried in the damned basement.

So what stated on 9/20 (6 weeks and 3 days ago) has netted me 18 pounds lost and 39.75 inches lost too.  (This time I started at 277 pounds and am down to 259!!)

And the tools that I can now tell Tom about aren't the ones being excavated, but the ones I'm learning on a daily basis from Skinny Cyndee and Frank and Rick and Udana and so many others is that by putting "Good" Tools in my Toolbox (My Mind and Spirit), I have the instruments to build a FLAT PLAYGROUND above my tools for me and others to play on. 

Watch out!  New Player emerging!

Right On Time

Today’s bit of wisdom from Hay House’s “I Can 2010”:
Life always reveals what I need to know, exactly when I need to know it!
This is so true.  Hopefully, it doesn’t come with an “OH Sugar” moment, but even then it’s still a truism.  Yesterday, I had a long, long chat with a friend of mine whom I’ve known for 26 or 27 years.  Since I was 4?  Or was that 5?
He showed me how to arrive at my “At Rest Metabolic Rate”.  It was a real eye opener.  I’d always wondered how people who are wheelchair or bed bound aren’t gargantuan.  Not to say that some aren’t, but there are plenty of these folks who are still in-shape.  Now I know why.  So I learned that my RMR number is around 2100 – 2400 calories a day.  It was a great new life tool.  Some days I work at a desk for 8 – 12 hours in a day and by the time I get out of work, I don’t want to do anything but go home and put my feet up.  Yes my body craves exercise on these days (as it does EVERY single day of my life), but some days mentally I just want to be home and still.  So if that is my day, and I eat 3500 calories, I am going to gain weight.  Not MIGHT gain weight, I WILL gain weight.  It’s a scientific fact.  And it’s a fact that should be taught to every student way more than once.
On the other side of the coin, it gives me a tool to use to observe how my caloric intake can be better balanced against this Rate.  So if my At Rest Rate is 2200, then if I eat 1800 calories and have an active day and participate in exercise or yoga, I WILL lose weight.  (The size of this weight loss will be determined over a period of time.  Not just in one day.)  It’s a scientific fact.  (To break it down in Dan facts, if I BLEACH my hair, I know it’s a scientific fact it will be blond.)  So now that I know what my absolute ‘minimum’ is, if I stay well beyond that on the positive side, I will continue to lose weight.
Frank (friend from above) also discussed foods with me.  One of my favorite things is coffee in the morning.  Frank asked if I used skim milk and/or sugar.  The answer to both was no for me.  However, I do use Half & Half.  (Skim just doesn’t cut it for me!)  Frank encouraged me to look at the caloric count on my ½ & ½ container.  The serving size is 2 tablespoons.  Those ding in at 40 calories.  I have 2 or 3 cups a morning.  80 – 120 calories.  Then Frank asked if I used 2 tablespoons or free poured.  What do you think?  While I ain’t a-gonna give up ½ & ½, I will watch how much I use.
So now I have more things to think about as I take my journey.  And as I learned from Hay House, “It arrived exactly when you need it.”
Love and peace!!!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Gut Inspiration

I've often attributed my desire to please at all costs to many different things:  Being an only child, Being a Pisces, and on a rare occasion Being a doormat.   I do like to make other people happy.  And, unfortunately, sometimes I make or try to make others happy at the expense of denying myself happiness.

I respect those who say they will "X" and then follow through.   I try to be that person.  At times, I realize far in advance that "X" will be problematic, but I will agree to "X" and hope for the best.  I don't think this is for my highest good, but I haven't mastered the art of "NO".  I also haven't been able to clearly mark my own boundaries.  I working on both the Mastering and the Marking.  (Sounds like doggy training.)

This blog isn't about any one specific thing.  It's about a myriad of things that happen often, and how I deal with these things.  I had two things planned for this evening.  But what I want to do most of all is Yoga.  Fortunately, one of the two plans I have been able to successfully move to tomorrow.  The other thing WILL be shelved but exactly how I accomplish it, I don't currently know.  And that "shelving" will be done to make ME happy.  I hope it doesn't make another too unhappy, but today I feel I need to be the Happy One First.  (And as one of my friends knows, I've put off an early morning walk from this morning to Friday, so today must be about re-arranging for me.)

And again, fortunately, this "shelving" isn't life or death, it's simply a re-arrangement of my schedule.

The title of today's blog is Gut Inspiration.  It truly sums up where I am today.  My gut says re-arrange and postpone and seek inner happiness first.  And so I say YES to myself and "to heaven with the other plans".  And let me be very very specific, I am  BLESSING these shelved plans.  It's all for the GOOD!

Be good to yourself first.  (Here comes that air mask analogy again.  LOL)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Shortest Post Ever (By Me)

The Birds Are Tweeting
The Sun Is Up
Thank God The Coffee's
In My Favorite Cup.


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Whoooooaaaa WOW

So the man who is SO good with numbers missed a very important FRACTION:

As of today I have lost 18 pounds which makes me 1/5 lighter (of my goal weight) than when I started.  Hello, ONE OUTTA FIVE.  That's pretty freaking awesome!!!


That's like dropping a Jackson!  I don't mean Janet, I mean a $20 bill baby. 

It's like one of your fingers on a hand.  Maybe we'll call this one the Middle Finger!  Take That!

Or most importantly, it's a FIFTH.  I don't mean like the Germans, I mean like the British and Russians.  Honey, forget Beethoven, think Gin or Vodka.  Hello world.....


Favorite Things : Smells, Sounds and Sights

SMELL:  Each of us have favorite things, sometimes exceptionally small, that bring us joy.  In this time of Autumn, as with each Autumn, my nose is tickled by the smell of wood burning in a fireplace.  There are few things that invoke the sense of HOME for me as much as wood burning does.  We rarely had a real wood fire in our beautiful fireplace when I was growing up.  But still that smell comforts me!

SOUND:  Growing up in a house that was less than 100 yards from a train track, I was very accustomed to hearing a train.  Our train (of course it belonged to us, at least momentarily) came each night between 11 and 11:15.  You could hear the faint moaning of a far away whistle and that whistle came several more times, each successive time a little louder until the train blew through town (at about 30 miles an hours) before increasing in speed, and then the trailing whistle as it crossed the trestle down by Mr Charlie and Ms Emma's house.  To this day, I swear I can hear a train whistle that is miles away.  Each morning when the train leaves the Burbank Airport headed for Santa Clarita, it leaves 8 miles from where I live and I can hear the whistle as it announces its departure.  That is a sound that I shall never cease to enjoy hearing.  (The second sound I love is a Rooster crowing, but that can wait until I talk about cooking!)

SIGHT:  Today marked a sight that I've only seen ONE time in the last 7 years!  And that was 259 on my scales.  I Finally weigh under 260 pounds.  At the height of my running, I weighed 261 pounds, so I am officially under that mark.  I had hoped to be at 255 by today, and that did not happen.  However, and most importantly, I am completely at peace with where I am today!!!!  I will get to 255 on another day and that day will be celebratory too!

So here are the stats as they stand today:
Neck 18
Up Arm L  14
Up Arm R  15
Chest  44.5
Diaphragm  43.5
Waist  47
Abdomen  46.5
Butt  47  (If I dropped it like it was hot, I still need help getting it back up.  But not for long!)
Up Thigh L  24
Up Thigh R  24
Calf L  14.75
Calf R  15
Up Knee L  15.5
Up Knee R  16
Total Inches Today  384.25
Total Inches 10/11  389
Total Inches Lost  4.25
Total Weight Today  259
Total Weight 10/11  263
Total Weight Lost  4 Pounds

Total Inches Lost To Date   39.75

Total Weight Lost To Date  18

So my senses are awakened!  And so am I!!!  Much love!!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Calling A Spade, Well, A Spade!

Twisted Foul-Mouthed Humor Ahead.

Backstory:  At our Yoga studio they offered a 30 day Yoga challenge for $90.  That equates to 3 bucks a class if you do all 30.  So fucking show-off Rick (referred to as Fuck Head (FH) for this post) has to sign up for it.  I didn't because I will leave towards the end of week 3 for NC to do a Half Marathon.  Now, here's the story of two fags at Yoga. (This ain't the Brady Bunch!)

So Friday nights are the problematic night.  Unless we make the 4:30 class (Iyengar or some stupid shit name like that), we have to take the Level 2-3.  (Read boot camp!)  So last week, FH gets a pass to get outta work early and we do Iyengar.  The Queen teaching that class is on a HAMSTRING mission from Satan.  (Truthfully, it did help with my 13.5 miles last week, but that's not nearly as funny.)  So Queeny weighs about 81 starving pounds and his little legs can either go up his ass or nose.  You choose.  But at the end of the afternoon session, we (FH and  I) were able to breeze through it.

Flash forward to this week.  Neither FH nor I could sneak outta work early today so it was boot camp HELL tonight.  My balls are still sweating 2 hours after class.  So we start off with breathing.  Easy right.  Then we get into heavy breathing.  This ain't sex bitches!  Then we (ok I) get into hassling for breath and then begging God to let me see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel.  It WAS an oncoming train!  Oh shit.  While some cute men, and chicks I don't care about, showed me things I'd only had wet dreams about, I was trying to see through my drenched once-illustrious locks. All those hair products simply wasted today.  Who the fuck knew that eyelids sweat?  And toe nails, too?

So there we were trying to do the Dolphin Pose (I prefer chicken salad), the soldier (which FH says is the Hero Pose) and the Warrior Pose,  I am beginning to wonder about the sanity of idiots who do this shit.  And there are also poses for restoration.  The fucking Down Dog.  Right??  My dog doesn't like to get down.  Disco is dead.  So when I'm in the Down Dog, my fat-assed belly hangs down on my lungs and I can't breath.  How fucking restorative can it be if you can't breath?  And the Child's Pose.  It's not a Child's Pose, it's the fucking Fetal Position.  I think my mother could feel MY inner child tonight.  And lastly, during the Happy Baby position, I think I soiled my diaper.

So when it was all said and done, and I looked like a fucking train wreck that had been left out in the rain, and I couldn't flirt with the hunk next to FH, I went to Starbucks and got an Iced Tea and came home.

And once I get a shower and sleep (provided I can crawl to either one of those), I will probably be ready to do it all again tomorrow.  I loved every minute of it!!!  Yoga fucking rocks.  And so does Fuck Head for introducing me to it!

Peace Heffers!!!  


There are so many fun, funny, full of flair litte sayings that we've all hear.  The following is part of the latest newsletter from my local Yoga studio.

Fall is in the air and change is everywhere. We've been feeling it in the air, the sudden rain storms and the energy of the classes during the 30 day yoga challenge. Change has come to the staff...

It goes on to say:  And since the universe doesn't like a vacuum, we are pleased to welcome....

Also sayings like:  The Winds of Change Blow... or one of my favorite passages from the Bible which was used in the lyrics of a song for The Byrds:  

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven.

The Biblical passage is found in Ecclesiastes 3.  (And no, I didn't know where it was exactly until I looked it up.  That English degree taught me a few things.  Research being a main one.)

During my Journey, I have found so many other people on a similar journey of Physical, Mental or Spiritual HEALTH! 

Funny or sad or frustratingly enough, some of us have gotten to our change through Force.  Some through a search for Peace.  But assurely, we have all chosen the Path whether consciously or sub-consciously.  And it's how we deal with that Path which will ultimately form who we become.

Today, I re-choose Happiness and Peace for my Journey's Path!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fear, Expectation and Knowledge

The majority of the time Fear is totally self based.  True, it can arise from the domino effect where one thing triggers another or trigger a bunch of things.  And fear might be one of those things triggered.  But how we choose to deal with these effects (external or internal) shows how we handle everyday life and its quality.

I have NOT weighed or measured in almost two weeks.  MY fear is that the number (s) will be smaller than I want.  I can easily see that my clothes are fitting better and my figure pleases me more and more.  But FEAR is a potent emotion.  For too many years I’ve allowed fear about things that I can or can’t handle, change or control rule my life.

Expectation is another hurdle.  Others’ expectations usually drive my own expectations to run off kilter.  I allow others to heap things on me and refuse to rebuff those expectations.  There are wonderful expectations that others expect from me.  My clients expect me to show up and to work and to be good at what I do.  IMO, that’s how it should be.  I show up looking good, smelling good and bring a good attitude.  These expectations are all mutual.  However, my biggest enemy is ME.  I often expect things from myself that are totally unrealistic. 

Knowledge is one of the components of life that I am always chasing.  I like to learn new and exciting things: both external and internal.  My current path is providing me with lots of new knowledge and ways to experience this knowledge.

And, now for an answer to: “why haven’t you weighed and measured?”  I do want to post “gains” in my “losses.”  And yes I do deserve it!  I do know that some days are better than others.  So I haven’t weighed giving myself a little time to acclimate to where I am TODAY and to be happy with it.  I don’t want to be a complete slave to the numbers, but I don’t want to turn by back on them either.

So my deal is to weigh and measure on Sunday morning and report the findings.  And I KNOW and EXPECT without any FEAR that the numbers are what they are and the experience is the knowledge that I’m chasing.  BEST!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

They Say, I Say

Today's blog is very short (at least for me)

They Say:  "Don't Mistake my Kindness for Weakness."
I Say:  "It's A Short Trip From Humble To Doormat."

Today I've awaked (awoke) with the feeling that NO may be may best friend today.  For me the measure of success with NO is when you master saying it with authority and love and without malice. 

It seems that life, people (friends, coworkers and strangers) and situations arise when NO needs to be used.  A test if you will.  So today, I say YES to honoring myself.  I say YES to be Healthy (Mentally and Physically AND Spiritually).  And I say NO to anything other than my highest good.    Much Peace!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Yes I Can

Oh Sweet Heavens yesterday marked another coo-coo thing in my life.  I set out 3 weeks ago to do 8 miles and then said what the hey, I'll do 10.   And I did them. 

So this time, I needed to do 12 miles.  And since I was going it alone, I drove out my distance in the car so I would be certain how far my 12 miles were.  Of course I drove them on the surface streets.  I most often use Griffith Park as my training ground.  And this trip was the same.  There are several different routes you can take, but I usually stay on the same path.  -ish.  haha

But I am not fond of out, turn around and return the same way.  So this time I went out via the LA River.  It mostly parallels the street that I measured my distance.  But what I was unaware of was the fact that somewhere between miles 5 and 6 the river bends slightly outward and the street that I had measured with the car bends slightly outward in the opposite direction.  By the river course I ended up adding a little more than a mile and a half.  When I figured out where I was in the neighborhood, I had to cut across to 'find' my turn-around. 

So yesterday, I completed another Half Marathon.  Even though I didn't get a "Swag" I have plenty of "I Can" in me.  Below is a picture of all of the Swags that I've earned.  In 3 weeks, I will add a new one to it.  The OBx Marathon medal.

And that makes me mighty proud of myself.  Good Morning World, I'm Proud!  (And Loud)

Friday, October 22, 2010

(Not My) External Changes

Not only does "Sugar Happens", CHANGE does too.  I know, Uh Huh, everyone knows that.  And to some extent, I think we do all know that Change Happens.  By the end of this Blog, plenty of change will have happened.  5 or 10 minutes (maybe less, maybe more) will have elapsed and the world will have spun a little bit more, and the clouds that have been covering and uncovering the moon will have shifted yet again.

One of the great things that has been happening for me (which I've talked about alot) is that I'm eating much healthier with the aid of Isagenix and I've begun to breathe and move much more fluidly with the aid of Yoga.  Two seemingly small changes, but two choices that have provided me with Measurable changes.

The nutrition and satisfaction of Isagenix has lessened my cravings for certain foods.  My biggest drive-thru moments were either mornings or late evenings.  I haven't had a drive-thru breakfast in over one month.  And while just talking about Jack's breakfasts makes me sorta miss them, I have NOT had one morning where my Isagenix shake wasn't fulfilling and satisfying.  So that part of my "Bad" diet has been replaced with "Good."  And since I'm drinking less, the need for the food to help right the ship in the "water" (we'll call it water for now), has decreased.  So there is one time, if not two times, during each day that I'm choosing Healthy over Non-Healthy.  And this Change has had a definite benefit to my waistline as well as my mental health.

Yoga has reminded me that by releasing the outside and moving my attention to something so simple and necessary as my breathing, I am bringing Peace and Joy to ME! 

This week has been froth, fractured and foamy with External Changes.  These changes haven't been about ME.  They've been about the people around me who for better or worse have influenced my day to day life.  One client's being audited, one ex-client's losing his business, two clients are nearing foreclosure, one client is facing cancer surgery, one co-worker was fired and another one's days are in the single digits now.  And most of the people around these situations are going nuts.  Some are going nuts for obvious reasons, while others are going nuts simply to bathe and relish in the drama.  And make no doubt about it, some of these nuts, I mean people, are taking a Long Long Long Bath because they live for the drama.

I can never be immune to External Changes or Drama.  I can't totally escape it.  But I CAN AND I DO CHANGE the way I peek at it, perceive it and participate in it.  I choose to protect myself (my mental and physical well-being) by eating right, exercising, being a yogi.  By going inward and supporting myself first, and giving myself the right to protect myself, I am able to live more harmoniously.  And by doing so, when I am brushed up against drama, I have the tools within ME to proceed with Joy and Love and Wisdom and to be able to share these attributes to anyone who'd like to share them.

Please remember to put on your air mask first, BEFORE assisting others!   Loving U!