Friday, December 31, 2010

Year End (Old Friend), Year Begin (New Friend)

Goodbye 2010, my old friend.  You were oh so good to me in so many ways.  For the 4th year in a row, you provided me with a way to get to NYC for my birthday and the money to spend while there.  And once again, I had such a rocking good time.  And I plan to repeat that again with my new friend who will be coming to escort me through next year.

Finally with the Old, I got my mind wrapped back around the desire to complete Half Marathons.  So 2010 brought me that opportunity in the way of the Outer Banks Marathon in N.C.  2010 offered me many others to participate in, but for whatever reason I only accepted one.  My new friend will also bring me many opportunities to participate, and now the fun begins with deciding which of these to accept.  And accept I shall.

My old friend brought me the realization that the pounds and the waistline wouldn't reduce themselves without my participation.  So my old friend brought me back to Isagenix and that program for eating healthier and cleaner.  Now my new friend will journey along side of me as I participate more with Isagenix and get healthier and handsomer!

My old friend kept my parents around.  I am especially lucky to have 3 parents who are still on this earthly plane.  For them 2010 posed some issues, but by year end, those issues have been conquered or at least harnessed.  I'm hoping that my new friend treats them with love and comforts them as they make their journeys.

And uniquely for me, my old friend showed me some new things work-wise.  And I observed, listened and understood what things worked for me with my old friend and taught me what to expect with my new friend.  And also, which ways to proceed and which hurdles to either jump effortlessly or to sidestep completely.

My old friend introduced me to a new way of getting outta my mind and into my zen: YOGA.  For this I will be eternally grateful and ever mindful of what works for me.  Peace is obtainable! 

Today, the last day of the year, I was blessed with a call from my buddy who is serving for me in Afghanistan.  We had a 36 minute conversation that warmed my heart and didn't make me tearful for a change.  :)  I have been blessed by Frank and continue to be so and look forward to many many wonderful and rewarding times together soon.

AND, I am ever so thankful for you coming along with me on my journey.  2010 was really grand and I fully expect 2011 to be even more grand!

Peace for your year end and Peace for you year begin!  May God (in its many forms) bless you and me.


Thursday, December 30, 2010

WINDS of Change

A couple of weeks ago the movie that mirrored our lives here in Los Angeles was “The Rains Came.”  After 6 straight days of rain, we finally got a respite.  And I joked that the sequel should be made entitled “The Rains Went Away.”  I actually like rain in small doses.  I wouldn’t like to live in cities where it rains a lot.  And then the original movie reran and the rains returned.  It began to rain Tuesday night and it rained nearly all day yesterday.  And it was a little cooler this time, so the rain was cold and damp.  My poor feet felt like they were freezing and my hands weren’t much better.

As often happens, after the rain leaves, the Winds arrive.  And last night and today the winds are a-howlin’ and pitching a gale.  In some places the wind was predicted to be as strong as 70 mph.   There is hardly a particulate that isn’t flying around with abandon.  Only those things that are firmly rooted (or nailed down or under a battened down hatch) seem to be steady.

Of course this gets my old mind to thinking.  Is this any different than our lives?  Those thoughts that are fleeting seem to fly around with abandon.  Only those thoughts that are firmly rooted stick.  I was blessed for several years to attend a church that was pastured (taught in their words) by Della Reese.  A big teaching with them was constantly working on our mind to erase “old tapes” that served no good purpose.  In regards to money and career, I put in a lot of work assessing and “correcting” the way I perceived these aspects of my life.

What I know now from this journey is that I must apply the same work to my mind in regards to how I perceive myself and how I perceive others.  I am doing the work and will continue to do the work to get to the place I need to be.

Today, I am looking at the fierce winds as blowing away those things that I don’t need, those fickle fleeting ideas and perceptions that aren’t firmly rooted.  I am further analyzing those things that are firmly rooted and looking at whether I must dig them up and discard them, or do I need to water and nourish them to help them grow stronger?   I am also looking at these winds as blowing out 2010 and clearing the way for 2011 to enter with clean air!


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

RANT and Unpleasantness

I AM Sensitive.  There I said it.  (Touchy might have been a better word, but for now, I'm claiming sensitive.)  Being a bigger sized person for most of my life has made me sensitive to how I view myself and how others view me.  And not only me, but how I view others and how I see them being viewed.

My mom hates fat people.  She loves her son, but she hates that I've been fat most of my life.  Unfortunately, she never sees that she "might" have had a hand in that, but that's for another blog.  And now that I've bashed my mom, I shall bash myself.  I don't like fat people too much either.  I like them as people, but I would never date one.  I wouldn't date the man I see in the mirror.  I know I have a BIG heart, but it's just above that BIG belly that I don't like (read hate), so heart or no heart, I wouldn't date me. 

Shallow, yes, I think I am.  I have often thought, why would He like me.  I don't like what I see.  Now human gratification can outweigh (no pun intended) my self loathing for a "quickie".  (If I need to spell it out, private me and I'll explain.)  But in a long haul, it's me I wake up with, shave with, shower with, etc and I don't like me in the long haul, so precious few get past the wall I erect.

Now that I've bashed my mom AND me, I'm ready to bash others.  I frequently watch the Biggest Loser.  I even watched some of the Celebrity Fitness shows, but those were so fake, a blind deaf person could have seen through those shows.  I do NOT like Ruby because of the really HUGE lies they have told on that show.  There is NO fucking way she did a mile in 15 minutes!  There I said it and I stand by it.  After run/walking over 250 miles in a little over a year, a 15 minute mile is still pushing it for ME.  And Ruby did not do one.

Next rant...  ha ha  As much as I like and respect the Biggest Loser, I want to see the Biggest Gainer on TV.  It is completely fair to make fun of fat people and their eating habits/disorders, but not skinny people?  Today I read the news of the French model who died at the age of 28 at a height of 5'4" and 70.5 pounds.  There wasn't a picture of her on Yahoo, so I googled her.  And the pictures were astounding.  Really those pictures were quite disturbing!  I then read a very long article and blog about Jeremy Gillitzer.  I will attach a link at the end of this blog. 

This story broke my heart.  It really made me sad to see a man who had eating issues his whole life and to end up dying at age 38 and weighing only 66 (SIXTY SIX) pounds.  Again, it was astounding.

I read about of these dying two from anorixia and I thought of how I feel the exact same way about someone who weights 400 pounds.  Each person with eating issues or disorders has an issue that affects every fiber of their being.  The only BIG difference is we put the fat person on a TV show, hire two kick ass trainers, put them through hell hoping that they will come out thinner and a winner.  I'm sure (or I pray) that behind the cameras there are people there to help them their emotions.  No adult gets to 400  pounds or 66 pounds without having an issue.

With a couple of my heavy friends, I have plotted a reality show on how to get skinny people to gain weight.  It's NOT nice; it puts me squarely on the Naughty list.  But how sad that others who want to put the fat people on a show are not considered Naughty, but considered Nice.

Size DOES matter.  It matters because for so many of us who are overweight or underweight, we are adversely affecting our bodies.  I return over and over again to the same thing : Mental Health.  I think that the more I get a grip on true mental health and how to use it, harness it, soothe it, I will be able to properly affect the way my body looks.

If you are disturbed my photos of anorexia or malnourishment, please do NOT click on the link below.  They are not pretty pictures.  I viewed the blog as a reminder to be GOOD to myself, to LOVE myself (ever how hard that may be) and to be truly KIND to others.  All of us have issues.  Those issues are simply person specific.

Peace and Love!

little WORDS

It seems that the small words pack quite a wallop.  NO, before or after pepper spray, packs a mean wallop.  ha ha.  Truly a word like NO when used correctly is so powerful.  AM is another powerful word.  It attaches things to me.  I AM _____________.  (Fill in as needed.)  IS/ARE are small words that attach to others.

Then there are the famous Trio of Limiting Verbs: Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.  These three monsters sing in complete dis-harmony to our lives.  They always attach us to the Past and are often used as a "fib".  (Wasn't that a nice way to say LIE?)  However, to be fair, it's not always a fib or lie, sometimes it's the truth.  But truth or not, the sentiment that is most often attached to one of the Trio is something wasn't quite kosher in the deli.  [ I "shoulda" gone to the gym today and I "woulda" felt much better, if only I "coulda" got there. ]  Intent is an emotion that is most often used to ease our feelings or those feelings of others.

This trio of intent keeps us out of NOW and allows us to be in Back Then.  Really, if I wanted to go to the gym this morning, I would have.  Another thing, I have been guilty of saying is "if I only had more time."  There are exactly 24 hours in a day.  If I spend 2 hours on the Internet (writing this blog or otherwise) I had plenty of time to get to the gym or to run or to walk or go to yoga or ...

A goal of mine for Twenty Eleven is to leave the Intent Trio to other birds.  I want to the be Rooster who Crows about accomplishments and not the birds who sings the blues about intent.  Of course, in typing this, I do realize that "wanting to be the Rooster" only happens if and when I make it happen.

Thankfully, my 2010 was quite good.  It "coulda" been better, but it was good.  I believe my Twenty Eleven will be even better and I "intend" to make it so.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Few Real Surprises

I've often said the most dangerous person to Lie To is one's own self.  And I believe that's it's true.  It's a sad situation when you encounter someone who is lying to themselves and believing it.

So with a whirlwind of constant stress in the last couple of months (most of which I allowed but didn't create) and not being as vigilant as I woulda/coulda/shoulda been, I am not really surprised at today's results.

In total, I have gained 2.75 inches and I have gained 4 pounds.

While I wish it had been the other way around, that I could boldly and proudly announce that I have lost those same amounts, I can not.

Now is the time to enjoy myself, to revel in my accomplishments, and to get to getting to where I want to be on my journey.  And to enjoy the scenery along the way.  Yesterday, I consumed about 1600 calories and today it should be that or less.  Last night I walked about 2 miles (just a little under) and today I will walk about the same distance or a little more.

Today I have 3 clients to work with, two across the street from each other downtown and one more, either in Mid-Wilshire or Santa Monica.  Which is my final destination will unfold as the day does.  Yesterday, I spent 4+ hours with one client who hasn't had phones in a week and yesterday their computer was down.  I was as calm as a cucumber (ever how calm that is) and refused to be excited that I wasn't able to finish their year end stuff.  It will get finished when the time is right!

So I'm off to Save My World and make a Difference.  I vow to pass a Kind Word to another Human in the hopes of brightening their day.  And I vow to pass a Kind Word to my Mind so as to brighten my day.  Won't you join me?


Monday, December 27, 2010


I had hoped, planned, intended, wished (you get the picture) to restart my Diet and Exercise program last week.  I have scheduled a Photo Shoot for January 18th and with my plan last week, I would have four weeks to accomplish as much as possible before the shoot.  Now with starting today, I have 3 weeks.

But a great thing about each day is we are giving the opportunity to Start Anew.  Or each evening, or noontime or whichever time we choose.  So TODAY is the New Start for me.  I am motivated and ready to challenge myself to new heights and dimensions.

Tomorrow, the 28th will be the first time in weeks that I will weigh and measure.  Since going to NC in November, I have allowed myself a very wide latitude in my schedule.  I have replaced lots of meals with a shake or a meal replacement bar, but I’ve also indulged in extra food and drinks and snacks and haven’t felt guilty doing so.  I have tried to monitor (from a distance) exactly what I’ve eaten, and I do know that some of those choices could have been better, but they were what they were.

Rick has been kind in telling me that I look as if I’m still reshaping my body in a positive way, but I know my knowledge of what I’ve eaten makes me leery.   But as stated above, it is what it is.  I shall NOT condemn myself, but rather know that I am still on my journey to where I desire to be body shape and mentally.

Speaking of my old friend Mental Health, about 10 or 12 days ago, I left a client and was chatting with my mom on the phone.  She asked me how my day was and I replied that it was really, really good.  At that moment, I realized that it HAD BEEN good and that I had missed that feeling.  In the last 2 or 3 months, I have allowed how others are perceiving their lives (read my clients) to permeate my life and stress me in ways that aren’t healthy.  How can I “Feel their Pain” and not be affected?  I resolved right there and then that “Their Pain” would remain THEIRS.  I wish all of them well, but what happens to them, happens to them.  And if by some chance that actually comes to affect me, then I must find a way to deal with it THEN.  If you worry about tomorrow, that is you.  I can’t worry for you.  So I vow to be Present in my Present and let you and everyone have their experience as it happens.


Sunday, December 26, 2010


Of ANY Holiday!!!

Years ago, I bought the first Chrysler Sebring.  At that time (in 1995) Sebrings only came in a hardtop.  I remember the first day I saw that car, I was in love.  For four days straight, I passed by the dealership and admired it.  On day 4, I bought it.  To date, this was the proudest car purchase I've ever made.  I have loved each car I've ever bought, but this one was special.

As does sometimes happen, Special Things need attention.  My beauty broke down one Saturday after a wonderfully exquisite Metaphysical Experience.  To say that the breakdown almost ruined my Meta Exp isn't far from the truth, but I let it go and realized that Chrysler could and would fix my baby.  (That special trauma is another post.  ha ha)

My sweet friend John loaned me his aging Blazer: Studly.  Now Studly was a wee bit long in the tooth and as fate would have it, it's fuel gage was broken.  (Mine gage is broken some days at this time in my life.  ha ha)  John said "Just remember that there is about 1/3 of a tank of fuel and soon you will need to refuel."  Forewarned and oblivious, I simply "Drove Ole Studly Down" to past the fumes and he rebelled.  There I was zipping down I-95 in my work suit and tie, and thinking, without a care in the world, when Studly decided to give me a care.  Sputtering and spitting Studly fainted and I coasted to the side of the freeway.  Now, this is where God appears.  Or at least in my new found instant love of praying.  I promised a testicle (one is squished already), my next trick (read piece of ass), all sorts of things.  And what do you know, when I turned the key, the engine came back to life.  I breathed a sigh of thanks (a pitiful little sigh compared to the fervent prayers) and headed up the next off-ramp.  Or so I thought.  Those prayers of thanksgiving were short-lived as Studly completely gave up the ghost.  Studly said "No Fuel, No Travel," and ground to a stop.

So there I was, one broken down Chrysler, and one empty Blazer.  And back then, I don't even think I had a cell phone to call for help.  Of course I got out and opened the hood of the Blazer.  Now exactly what I thought I'd see, or better still, what I'd DO if indeed I did see something was way beyond my thinking ability in that moment.  But I'm a MAN, we OPEN THE HOOD.  So open it I did.  And what do you think I saw....  An engine.  Yippee.  An engine. 

Now I am part Irish.  We have pride.  (Read stubborn ignorance, but Pride sounds so much nicer.)  So there I stood, looking at the engine.  Occasionally, I'd try to start the engine, but Studly wasn't having any of that.  So after several trips from the ignition to the exposed engine, I kept thinking why doesn't someone stop and ask me if I need help.  I mean here I am in a suit and tie and OBVIOUSLY in need of rescuing, but that Irish pride kept my arms at my sides.  I would never flagged down a driver for help.  Heaven forbid.

So there I was at the exit of I-95 that is littered with BMW's and Benz' etc as this is the exit for Aventura.  But Studly and I were invisible to the well to do.  (Now I wonder if I would have stopped if the Chrysler hadn't been broken down.  That's what I wonder now...)

After what seemed like at least 40 days and 40 nights an older land yacht of a Cadillac stopped.  Inside was a black man with no less than a month of newspapers and equally as much mail, and bags from drive throughs and grocery stores, and STUFF, all filling up the car.  He asked me what the problem was.  Ashamedly, I told him I was quite sure I was out of gas.  He then asked if I needed help.  I looked at him and his car and thought a lot of things, few of which were positive, but fool that I ain't, I knew I needed gas and even though I can be a Tiny Teapot with a handle and spout, I can't produce gas.  So I said "Yes Sir."

He pulled the Land Yacht ahead of me, got out and approached the truck and checked under the hood (he did see a few things that HE recognized.  ha ha)  I tried the ignition for him and he agreed, no gas, and no need to flood the engine trying.  He offered to take me to get some gas.

He closed the hood, and I locked up Studly.  After much rearranging of articles in the car, he offered me a ride.  We introduced ourselves and set off on our journey.  Of course, this is the place where it should be simple.  But NOT in my life.  I crave adventure and God, Nature, Fate seems to oblige.  At this time in my life, I banked with a credit union, which had a branch two exits ahead and 2 miles off the exit.  I sheepishly told him about the banking situation and he said "Don't Worry."  So two exits and two miles later, we arrive at the ATM.  During our ride there, he told me of his wife throwing him out for excessive drinking and how they would get into awful rows.  And he also told me of how ALL of it was his fault and while he knew it took two to have a row, he shouldered all of the blame as he had taken advantage of her kindness for far too long.  The man quietly wept as he relayed the story.  Tender as it is now, at that moment, I was leery of the man.  Here he was helping me, but he was living in this Land Yacht and not painting a very pretty picture of himself.  And while he was remorseful and tearful, his emotions were very raw and fresh and wavering.  He was repentant in one minute and defiant in the next and  I really didn't think he was about to make any drastic changes anytime soon.

Bless him, he drove me to the ATM and I took out $40.  Not a lot, but I didn't have a lot.  Chrysler had already told me an estimate that had me very worried.  So all those $40 were coming at a price.  We then drove to a gas station, where he extracted an old anti-freeze bottle from the trunk and told me we would use this as a gas can.  I was unsure, but he told me he knew what to do.  So he filled it with gas, I paid the attendant and off we went to find Studly. 

Now Studly was two exits back, but that's on the Freeway.  So you have to go three exits and make a round-about and reenter the freeway and THEN the next exit is Studly.  All the while he drove without ever a minute of hesitation.  By the time we arrived back at Studly, the sun was sinking low in the sky.  He told me to pop the hood.  I did so.  He opened something under the hood, pour a few drops in, closed whatever it was, then poured almost all of the remainder of gas into the gas tank.  He told me to wait a minute or two and then try it.  Studly coughed and gasped but didn't crank.  He returned to the hood, opened said things, poured a few more drops in and then I was to try again.  This time Studly roared to life.  He closed the hood, and prepared to leave.  I offered him $20 and after a moment's hesitation, he accepted.  He told me that it wasn't necessary, but was very thankful as he really could use the money.  (Truthfully, even at this point I was still a little unsure of him.  He was a big brute and had confessed to being an ogre to his wife and friends.)  He took the $20, threw the anti-freeze bottle in the trunk of the Land Yacht and bid me farewell.

He pulled onto the exit ramp, exited the freeway and disappeared.  I sat there a minute or two and then proceeded to the next gas station to give Studly a little more fuel with that remaining bucks I had on me.

As I reentered the freeway and made my way home, I was overcome with waves of emotions.  I hadn't been smart enough to remember the fuel, I had been to proud to flag down help, I had been fearful of the unknown....

Once I was able to stop flogging myself and settled into a quite conversation with God, I was able to realize that with all of the things that had happened in the last few days, I had experienced so many facets of God.  I had a wonderful and awesome Metaphysical Experience.  I had allowed my friend to loan me his Studly.  (This is quite important.  For a person who is independent (ME), allowing a friend to help isn't my strongest characteristic.  I NEED to be the knight in shining armor.)  After breaking down on the exit ramp to one of the richest and most elegant of areas, it was a homeless black man who was, in his own words, a "bad drunk" who came along to help me.  And help me he did.  And at the end, I was able to help him by giving him $20 whole bucks.  Then my tears came.  In that whole cycle, God was present.  Taken singularly, each item was important.  But taken as a whole, the reminder that A TRUE SPIRIT was always present was so clear to me.

Often I have told friends and family about how an angel appeared when I needed him.  An angel not unlike Clarence in "A Wonderful Life."  An angel who uniquely taught me lessons that I might not have recognized any other way than just the way they happened.  And one wonderful thing I've noticed about this great experience called Life, the Angel is so rarely ever the ones I envision, but that "Not Likely" Angel who simply appears out of nowhere, for no apparent reason and without an ulterior motive, who is the Real Angel that is sent by the ever-present God.

God Bless this Angel who stopped to help and bless me to be that Angel to some other stranger every time I can.

This is MY Christmas Story and I'm clinging the Wondrousness that it IS!!!

Peace exists when we let it!  G/B

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

New Adventures

So today is the first day of my newest adventure.  I'm looking forward to it.  I started with a great night of sleep and then I started my day with coffee and a shake.

Blake from Illuminations (where I got my new lighting system) came and corrected a spot light that wasn't working correctly and so now the art in my dining room is properly lit and the rest of the lights look magnificent.

As for my new journey, I've started but I'm not quite ready to share its details yet.  Details to be forthcoming.

I have only one client today and several errands to accomplish and then tonight I have a 'cheap' Santa Christmas gift swap at a wonderful little hole in the wall restaurant near Lake Balboa.  It will be fun and silly and filled with lots of people in a festive Holiday Spirit (or two).  I'm looking forward to it.

Part of my journey this year is that I will be in LA for Christmas instead of NC.  In the 12+ years I lived in Miami, I only missed on Christmas in NC and now I am repeating that here in LA.  It feels might strange, but I'm sure I will make it.  My heart will be with my family, but my body won't be.  It would be nice if I was missing it for some reason other than money and work, but I guess those two reasons are reason enough.

Be well and chat soon!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Parsley, SAGE, Rosemary and Thyme (Time)


I am lucky (at least I think so) that Sage advice comes to me, whether through my own thoughts and prayers or through others.  And those others aren't necessarily always friends and family (even though some days it is from family and friends), sometimes the others are complete strangers.  And sometimes I have to look back at my own musings and writings and really believe what I've written and heed my own advice.

I have extolled repeatedly that the only MIND I have to work with is MY mind.  But I conveniently set that idea aside when it suits me.  Case in point, I have expectations of friends and family that aren't always what they "signed up" for.  And the only person to get rained upon is me when I have expectations of others.  A friend of mine recently blatantly lied to me over something that was quite important to me.  Of course had it not been for his partner (who is usually very quiet) I would have never known about the lie.  And boy or girl was I hurt, pissed, upset, angry....  And at the end of the day, it seemed as if I was the only one rained on.  I have (had) thought of many ways to retort, to answer, to ignore, to pretend...  but at the end of the day, I'm disappointed.  I was expecting that my friend was as eager to be my friend as I am to be his.  When in all truthfulness, I don't think it's that important to him.  And maybe I'm not the only one that isn't important to him, but there again, it's my mind that I have to deal with.   So I take his actions as exactly what they were: A Lie.  And I move forward.  I will evaluate and execute (figuratively so far) as I need for myself.


I have a new project for myself that I will begin tomorrow (12/21).  I will reveal it as the days pass.  It is a Four Week project and I simply expect all good results.  This project is about me, for me, by me and since it's all about me (ha ha  at least on this blog) I will let the project unfold and detail it as it happens.

As for the Parsley and Rosemary, I only have Rosemary to talk about.   I love Rosemary Clooney and her voice.  I'm very glad it was heavily recorded so I can enjoy it for a long time to come.  And truthfully, I do know why Parsley is on most plates.  It helps with bad breath, poor digestion and lots of other things.  Google Parsley.  You might be surprised.

XOXO  Danny

Friday, December 17, 2010


My step-mom's surgery was deemed a success!  All of the cancerous material was removed and the doctors feel she will not even need chemo or radiation as a follow up.  So for that I offer a prayer of thanksgiving!


A few weeks ago I promised a Blog on Racism.  I chatted with a friend of mine, Cyndee, and gave her a preview.  I told her my story with passion and fervor.  I wanted to be really forthwith and honest and use all of the language that had so distressed me on my trip to NC in November.  She patiently listened and at the end gave me sage advice.  While words can be used to drive a point home, to shock, to comfort and to enlighten, those same words can now be google’d, yahoo’d and easily searched for on the internet.  And then she asked me if I wanted my blog to be potentially used and / or exploited by a less enlightened person.  That Cyndee is one smart cookie (or celery stick for us dieters).

I grew up in a household and family where the N word was used daily.  It was simply a mater of fact.  They were N’s and they had a town, referred to by both whites and blacks as N-Town.  Not a nice referral, but one that I heard repeatedly.  (Digression #1:  Our black section was on the North side of town.  However, I have found that in many cities in the south, the black section is on the south side.  This is just an observation and one that won’t win you a prize.  Ha Ha)

When I was growing up in the 60’s and 70’s blacks were often given an extra word to go along with the N; and, that word was Damned.  Wow, as if one curse wasn’t enough, let’s add another.

I will be totally honest.  Until the early 90’s I was a frequent user of the word too.  Most of the time, I used it for shock value.  I’m not proud of my use of that word.  I rarely used the word to refer to anyone specific.  But even one time is too many.  I do understand why rappers use the word, for the same reason gay people use fag and queer to call out each other.  We endeavor to take the power out of the word.  It’s may not be the healthiest, but it is a way of trying to positively deal with a negative word.

Those were the “old days”.  Now we are onto a new frontier.  In the 80’s, NC farmers began to import workers from all over Mexico and Central America like ordering slaves from a warehouse.  They were cheap labor who would work for pennies on the dollar and who could be exploited without a fear of shame or retribution to the farmer.  At first, the workers came for the seasons.  And then the seasons became longer.  And now, their seasons never end.  And boy, are the people in NC angry?  You bet they are!  Not only are they being outnumbered by births, lots and lots of illegals have heard of the great Old North State and want to come and join their families.  “Pennies on the Dollar” trumps “No Dollars” everyday of the week.  (Digression #2:  Lynn’s father imported 100s of workers in the mid-80s.  He renamed all of them because he couldn’t pronounce their names.  And, it was just like Roots.  They were so proud to be able to rename their slaves, I mean workers.)

And to help make matters muddier, lots of these illegals are getting jobs from “legit” companies who pay them under the table.  And these companies use this tool to get their customers to pay them in cash.  So doubly the state and federal governments are getting no taxes and the illegals are getting work.  And almost everyone is willing to participate.  My relative bragged about the cheap roof he got from a fellow church member’s company who used a lot of illegals to put the roof on a fraction of the other quotes he got.  Of course, Relative had to withdraw a lot of money from the bank in cash to pay this churchman who was raping the government.  But, Heavens to Betsy, it WAS cheaper.

The disdain that was once heaped on the blacks is now being heaped on both legal and illegal immigrants.  And instead of the Damned N’s we are now older and less gentle, it’s now the Fucking M’s.  And it doesn’t matter if you’re from Colombia, El Salvador, Panama or Mexico, you are a Fucking “M” now!  (Incase you are not sure M equals Mexico or Mexicans.)

Wow.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  So my time in NC is still surrounded by racism.  How exciting?  NO, it’s not!

Now, racism is NOT only for the whites.  I see it from many sides.  And I speak or understand just enough Spanish to understand the Fucking M’s don’t like Massa either. 

Thankfully, not all of God’s creations go awry, but some do.  And, some fight back.


(And people and situations)

Two years ago I bought an ornament that was cracked.  I didn’t realize it until I got it home.  So here were my emotions:  “Oh poor thing, it’s so cute and I simply cannot throw it away.  And it was too inexpensive of an ornament to take it back, wait in line and hope that they had a whole one.  I will just glue it and make it all better.”

Two years later, the ornament is still in rotation on the tree and it’s still cracked.  It could use a little fixing, but it is operating simply fine without a ‘fix.”

Now, if I could only get the rest of my life to operate on the EXACT same level.  I see a situation that (I perceive) needs a little fixing and I simply want to wade in and get to fixing.  And since I only have my mind to work with, I don’t know if others see things and want to fix them or not.  Perhaps they see a situation that they perceive needs fixing, and they don’t concern themselves with it.  Maybe I am the only one, or only one of a few, who simply feels compelled to fix.

The effects of the holidays affect each of us differently.  And when I see that broken ornament that needs a little glue, I want to supply that glue.  My goal for this year is to only lend or offer glue when it’s asked for.  To allow all of the ornaments to move at the pace that it’s moving, to glitter at the brightness it’s glittering and to simply be what it is. 

The only Ornament I want to adjust is me, and only if I really need an adjustment.  Otherwise, I will move at my pace, glitter at my brightness and simply be.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Health and Happiness (Health Care)

When I was in NC during November I was assailed with Health issues.  Thankfully, these issues weren't mine but they directly affected me.

Frank Health Issues Ahead...

Just before I got to NC, my dad was hospitalized with Pneumonia.  He had so looked forward to coming to see me finish the Outer Banks Half Marathon and was so disappointed that his health kept him from fulfilling that dream.  I had not finished the Raleigh Marathon in 2009, so this was our "make-up" performance.  It really can be Hell getting older and not being able to do the things that you want to do.

Now, I will tell you that my frustration with Dad is quite deep.  Certainly not the fact that he had pneumonia, or the fact that he had a stroke nearly 8 years ago, or the fact that he still smokes like a chimney; no, the frustration comes from the "I Can't Attitude".  When he does his exercises or takes therapy he is able, but he'd rather feel sorry for himself and be lazy.  So he can say "See I Can't."  Conversely, I try to use that as fuel for myself to say "Yes I Can".  Or "Yes I Will". 

In the summer my step-mom began to bleed (spot).  But it wouldn't stop.  Tons of doctors' visits and a DNC finally stopped the bleeding.  And we are talking months.  And with the DNC, it was discovered that she has Uterine cancer.  Another thing that she has been plagued with is the "we will call you" mentality of health "care" officials.  How can a doctor or nurse say we will call you in a day or two and then let it wait a week until my step-mom calls very upset?  In this world  of high technology, we can't even have the human decency to call a patient back.  SAD!  Very SAD!  This Friday (tomorrow) she will have a complete hysterectomy and hopefully that will remove all of the cancer.  But from the recent past history of her doctors' visits, it might be a few weeks before someone remembers to call back.  (Not recommended.  I have a phone too and a kick ass attitude!)

And this past Saturday a friend of mine for the last 25 years tried to kill himself.  He didn't succeed.  And I'm thankful of that.  The line from "The First Wives Club" that Bette spouts "So how drunk do you think Cynthia was to throw herself off the roof" kept coming to mind.  (Bad paraphrase of the scene, but I don't have it handy to watch.)

With the three above situations, each (Daddy, Jane and Eddie) have been weighted down my their own issues: Stroke, Pneumonia, Cancer, Depression.  Whatever the issue/situation, these can be life altering, life changing and even life ending.  Separately, I'd have had a hard time dealing with them.  Collectively, I've been very heavy hearted this season.  But I ain't throwing in the towel yet.  I will triumph.  And if I get my wish, my parents and friend will too.  But whatever the outcome, I will keep them safely protected in my heart.

Loving me and others!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happy Fun-DAY SU-day

Oh my heavens!  What one night of a GREAT sleep can do for one's spirit.  Today I am HAPPY.  HAPPY!  ELFING HAPPY!!!!

That commercial that asks "Who does depression hurt?  Everyone."  It's so true.  I have allowed my soul to get tangled in much more than the Christmas Lights and Tinsel.  Few people are unaware that "times" are tough.  But of late, I've allowed myself to "feel" others pain, shame and regret and I've even indulged in my own.  I haven't been my usual "Rise Above The Frey".  In late Nov, I promised blogs on health and racism but today's not that day.  But others' health issues and old "Friends" spewing racism marred my trip home to NC.  And since I've been back I haven't been able to shake that.  And then to return to clients who need constant hand holding in regards to THEIR challenges, has kept me down.

And truthfully, this is the 29 year as an adult who is single for the Holidays.  And that ain't easy either.  Most of the time being single is who I am (I claim it, after all this time haha).  But that Singleness is never so apparent than at Christmas as I decorate my home. 

LOL>>>  I laugh because I know I'm one truly controlling HO who would probably be divorced the first time a Hubby "tried" to help ME decorate.  I'd be like NOT THERE, over THERE.  haha  With little let up.

So the GREAT night's sleep brought me back to the realization of my divine self.  (I am still NOT happy that Frank's in Afghanistan, but I am dealing with it!)  But   I     AM    LOVE  !!!!  And I'm loved.  And I do love.  And what could be more beautiful for the Holidays?  Nothing in my Opinion.

So with that said, I extend LOVE to you and  to yours and pray for more and more Love for a world that so desparately wants it.  Reach out and get you some.  I have extra if you need it!


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Hello Old Friend (Blog Spot)

Oh my I have so much to say.  My heart is filled with so many varied thoughts and emotions.  I haven't done a blog in far too long. 

But today I am giving THANKS for my friend Frank who is in Afghanistan this Christmas.  I wish I could say that he was there on vacation discovering the "ancient" world, but that is not how it works this Christmas.

For the past three years, Frank has been a constant friend in my daily world.  We might not be around each other daily, but certainly not one week in the last three years has past that we haven't been in touch.  And now I find myself so far away from my friend.  And I'm not a bitch to share!  Hello, I am an only child and according to most of the ignorant bunch, we are always selfish and self-centered.  And in this moment I will be EVERYTHING bad that's been said about only children.  I want my Frank HOME.  Fuck the perceived war and fuck Geo Bush Jr O-bam-a-lama.  So much for the promises of bringing "them home".  It might have gotten you elected, but my HOPE isn't in Afghanistan, it's in the US and I can tell you that in my "never" humble opinion, we need every resource we have home to build our own country.  But perhaps that's too simplistic to get a HO elected.  So there you have it, I ain't gonna be president anytime soon.

And if you wonder where all of this comes from, I'm stamping my feet that Frank isn't here to help ME decorate for Christmas.  I can assure you that those Icicles  shit wasn't invented by a Piscean.  The symmetry is all wrong.  And even tho Frank is an artist, he wasn't so good at it either.  But having my friend here to help was worth fighting for.  So you can bet I will be at the election booth trying to get my friend HOME where he belongs.

Now, after all that ranting and raving, I feel better, sorta...  I do love Christmas and what it stands for.  At least the peace that was brought to this weary world so many years ago.  And it's PEACE that I want for this Holiday Season.  Peace for my soul, peace for my life, peace for my friends and yes even peace for those I don't care for.  Let Peace reign, for it is in Peace that freedom is won.  Amen and So It Is!!!